Taoyuan Nights

Two weeks ago, I was in the local branch of a major bank here in Taiwan. I had just finished changing some coins into notes, and was walking out of the bank.

As I did so, a woman in a very smart black suit (who had been standing near the door) walked over and asked to see my ID. “Blimey”, I thought, “They must have a bunch of laowei crooks bringing in their fake giant bags of NT$1’s and trying to nick all the $500’s”. Assuming it was the manager – and with these words, I’m sure Taiwan veterans are already beginning to grimace – I proceeded to try to dig out my bank card and ID card.

“Ello ello ello, wot’s all this then?” remarked the approaching security guard – in Mandarin, admittedly, and perhaps using a somewhat more local idiom. He then turned to me, and exclaimed “ka de!”.

“Ka de?”, I inquisitively inquired.

“Ka de!!!”, he strained, gesturing towards the woman.

Crikey – 3 exclamation marks! He must really want me to show ID to this manager!

But then, the more I tried to find my card, the more upset he became. At which point it occured to me that this woman was in fact not a manager at all, but rather an unscrupulous debt salesperson who was attempting to pinch my name, date of birth and address from my ARC card. The security guy was trying to say “credit card” in English to warn me of the reality of the situation. The woman, of course, was not amused. So this bud’s for you, Mr Credit-Card-Fraud-Preventing-Bank-Security-Dude.

Anyhoo, “ello ello ello, wot’s all this blogpost about then?”. Well, it turns out Taiwan has just passed a new law that lets you borrow 12 million Taiwanese dollars of unsecured debt (credit cards) and then only pay 20% of it back. All you need to do is: get the card, blow the money on beer and betelnuts and … err… more beer, lose your job, and then providing you can cry like a girl in front of a judge for an hour, you’re sorted!

You may have your debt cancelled; more likely, your debt payments will be delayed 8 years. However, if you’ve just burnt through 12 million dollars of booze and betel nuts then frankly, being alive in 8 years time is probably not on the cards anyway – excuse the pun.

Get your free debt while you can, I suppose. And if somehow you can’t find a cardmonkey who’ll set you up with your new plastic, then wander into the nearest branch of any major bank in Taiwan with your ARC card and pretend to be a saver. A credit ghoul is already patiently waiting there, ready to sign your soul away.

Mussst… havvve…. ARC!!!

p.s. Don’t actually do this. It would be completely illegal, and what’s more, it would be lame. Your actions are your own responsibility. Picture is copyright of “Wizards of the coast”. Yada Yada Yada.